Its been a long time since I last blogged. Two and half years to be exact. Yikes! Yet another reminder that time is indeed the most precious and priceless resource we have because it truly is not renewable. Once a moment or an experience has passed, its gone, done, finito, never to recaptured or do over again. No matter how much we wish, want and hope we can could go back and make different decisions and do things differently than we did, there are no ‘do overs’ with time. It keeps marching on, relentlessly, unforgivably…second by second, minute by minute, days, weeks, months, years, till we are no more. Sigh.
Yet, ironically, there is this strange but wonderful phenomenon that occurs as time marches forward that balances out the regrets and desires to do things over again. Its called wisdom. It’s a coming of age, knowing who you are and just as importantly who you are not. It’s a serene feeling. There is the peace of acceptance, and yes, dare I even say it, love for oneself. Not a boastful, egotistical, selfish, narcissistic type of self-love. No, it is quiet, soft, subtle, gentle, kind and generous, yet respectful and strong at the same time. The wish to prove oneself falls away as does the need to people please at all costs. So as much as there are things in my life that I momentarily wish could have been different, I embrace the wisdom gained from all that I’ve experienced – the accomplishments, the successes, the joy as well as the mistakes, the failings, and the pain of difficult times. For without them all, each and every one of them, I would not be where I am today – whole. I would not be me.
As for the impact on my relationships with others? Well, there is liberation. No longer do I feel as much need as I once did to have everyone ‘like’ me. No longer do I feel the need to take on others ‘stuff’. I don’t even feel a need to comment about it one way or the other. I’m content with just observing, accepting, holding others as able to figure it out…or not. I know longer have need to be right as I’d rather have relationship. With self acceptance comes the ability to accept others as they are too. With self-respect comes the ability to respect others to be who they are yet not accept their disrespectful behaviour towards me. I so much more willing to ‘let go’ of things, situations, people if it’s not to our mutual benefit. To do otherwise means investing time and energy, neither of which can’t be gotten back when used.
Hence back to wisdom to know the difference between the things I cannot change and those that I can. With that then comes the serenity to accept and let go of the things I cannot and the courage to change what I can. There is a saying I heard a years ago by Dr. Seuss, “Be who you are, say what you think, those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.” While I got this intellectually when I heard it, it was only with time, and the experiences over time, that I truly learned to understand and live it. I am so good being me, perfect in my imperfections.